Nil Sine Numine

Nil Sine Numine

Nothing Without Providence

  Tuesday May 31st 2016...I sat in my car staring at the beautiful track at Palmer Ridge High School. As the rain fell steady from the storm clouds enveloping Monument, Colorado...My thoughts raced around the track in my head. I had already accepted a School Counseling job at Palmer Ridge to take over for my close friend Kelly Christensen. I would also be taking over his head coaching duties for Track and Field and Cross Country. That day, it all flashed before my eyes. I remember sitting in my car reflecting back on the road I had taken to get to that day. I recalled taking over for Mike Callor in 2012 as head coach at Dakota Ridge Track and Field Cross Country. I remembered the day in 2013 at the State Track Meet I found out Johnny Halberstadt had sold the Boulder Running Company. I thought about the day in August of 2013, my disdain for our new ownership overwhelming me, that I woke up and decided to become a School Counselor.. and I called and enrolled myself in the Masters Degree program at Adams State University. Not two weeks after that I found myself working my last day at the Boulder Running Company...September 1st, 2013... 15 years to the day after I had started work there.

2 and 1/2 years later, a finished Master's Degree, deeper in debt and nearly broke...  I sat in the rain at Palmer Ridge with my first job in the bag as a School Counselor. Little did I know at the time how truly difficult it is to obtain work in School Counseling. Which makes what happened next all the more ridiculous.

Among the myriad of thoughts both past and future that traversed my mind that May 31st 2016 was thoughts of what Dakota Ridge could be. These results from the Middle School State Championship in 2015 weighed heavy in my mind. Along with a Middle School State Championship team on their way, was a pair of freshman who made our top 7 for the State meet in 2015. Austin Vancil ran 18:27 and finished 147th. Riley Abrashoff ran 18:50 and was 165th. On the surface... not much to speak of. But as I coached them that 2015 season I saw potential. Enormous potential. Beautiful strides, calm minds and a ferocity of competitiveness that shined among our team that year. These guys were different and I knew it.

Its not like I had accepted a job at a program without success. Kelly and his staff had done a masterful job winning State Championships and developing the Track and Field/Cross Country teams into  4A powerhouses. A State Title in the upcoming 2016 season for the boys was almost a near certainty with the crew that Larry Rudnicki and I were going to inherit. But the thought that kept rolling around in my mind was that I had not built it. That I was simply coming into something Kelly and Larry had already made.


Years of friendships, a robust alumni support system and the closeness of what we have at Dakota Ridge was of immense value in my mind as well. There is a special family atmosphere to our program that spans years and years of student athletes across multiple coaches. When I told our AD Matt Heckel I was leaving for Palmer Ridge on May 26th,  I hung up the phone and I crumpled to the floor and cried deeply. That 2015 season had been one of the best our staff and kids had been through. Our girls team made it into the top 10 at the state meet and ran in the championship race at Nike Southwest Regionals. Our boys were just beginning their rise and our team in general was as close knit of a group as we could hope for. I was leaving something incredibly special.

I had spent the weekend after accepting the job hitting a circuit of graduation parties. One of my closest team parents, Joy Aden, was one of the few that I had told I was leaving. In the conversation we had at Cayli Hume's graduation party I had mentioned to her how stupid it would be to turn this job down. Based on it being my first job and the inheriting of a steady and strong Track and Field Cross Country program. Joy told me, "Mark, just remember not all that glitters is gold".

So here I sat staring at the Palmer Ridge track in the rain. I tried to imagine myself there... coaching at the track. I could not see it. So I turned on the car and drove home. That drive home, I was listening to a song named "Fierce" by Jesus Culture....the lyrics....


You cannot fail
The only thing I've found
Is through it all
You never let me down
You don't hold back
Relentless in pursuit
At every turn
I come face to face with You

 The song emboldened my faith. I felt the surge of that faith on that drive and knew what I had to do. I was going to stay. I broke down in tears. I pulled the car over. Against everything that should be...the easy logical decision was to take the job...I was going to improbably turn down an incredible opportunity. On faith, I walked away from what I should have taken. I had no job. I had little to go on to get a job using my expensive masters degree. But I figured....as long as I have breath I will see this through at minimum the 2018-2019 school year. It felt like my "Moneyball" moment.  I was prepared to work at my current part time job at Runner's Roost Lakewood making next to nothing, Seeking any opportunity in education that would give me a chance to stay at Dakota Ridge. So as I got home that night my eyes red and my resolve strong, I randomly applied for a couple of jobs on the Jefferson County Schools jobs board and went to bed. The next morning I was going to get up and drive down to tell Principal Gary Gabel I had to turn down what I had already accepted.

 After my drive down to Monument to turn down the job I headed back to Denver. At 12:30pm I was headed downtown to meet my close friends Jonathan Dalby and Jeff Bolle when my phone rang. I was sitting at the stop light at Santa Fe and Dartmouth. It was the Principal Secretary at Ken Caryl Middle School asking if I would interview in a couple days for the Social Emotional Learning Specialist job I had randomly applied for the night before.

I went and interviewed Friday at 10 am. Later that day....at 2 pm. Ken Caryl called me to let me know I got the job. Turned down a job on faith on Wednesday, had a new one by Friday.

Improbable.

"All these pieces they fall in line".....

As we opened the season in the fall of 2016, I said a prayer. I knew we needed one more guy to really make it happen for us. Mountain Vista was a powerhouse. Jonathan Dalby had created a monster program, capable of being great for years and years to come. As I looked ahead I knew were going to have to find someone special to catapult us to the next level. My prayer was for one more great talent...at just the right time.

In walked Connor Ohlson.

I'm really into music and lyrics and relating and connecting them to life. I always seem to find a song that fits the situation or circumstances I face at various moments in my life. The song that became my personal theme in 2018 was "Forever on Your Side" by Needtobreathe and Johnny Swim.




The entire year...these lyrics rang in my ears...guiding me in our darkest moments.

All these pieces they fall in line
Because I'm forever on your side
Take my hand when you can't see the light
'Cause I'm forever on your side
I will carry you every time
'Cause I'm forever on your side

The darkest moment for us was late in September when Ben Morrin was not getting better. Injured right at the beginning of the year we thought initially he was only going to be out a short time. But a week turned into 2, then 3...then 4 and just before Dave Sanders Invitational...we found out he was going to need at least 10 more days and we would be without him for our showdown with Mountain Vista at Dave Sanders.

"Take my hand when you can't see light...."

We had to beat Mountain Vista. In the days leading up to the season I had outlined to our guys how important every race against them was. I explained that to set us up for Nike Regional Southwest, we had to beat them at least once during the season and then finish top 4 to be considered for Nike Cross Nationals. Nike looks closely at the head to head matchups with teams among the top 4 at the Regional. To get an at large bid you really need to beat the top teams in your region at some point during the year. Mountain Vista was that top team. ...And they had something special waiting for them in Arizona in the form of Easton Allred. With American Fork looking on paper that they most certainly would be very tough once again in Casa Grande, Arizona we had little choice but to put all our eggs in the beat Mountain Vista basket. In case we got 3rd or 4th at Nike Cross Regionals I knew we HAD to have beaten Mountain Vista at some point during the season.

 Early season in August...already out Ben Morrin, I got news on the morning of August 24th that Riley Abrashoff was quite sick and would have to sit out that evenings race against Mountain Vista at their 2 mile. Not only did we lose to Mountain Vista, but Niwot and Palmer Ridge beat us to leave us with a fourth place start to the season. So it got really simple after that.

I was overthinking everything. So I resolved in my own mind to do two things.

1. Trust the kids.
2. Just coach. Do what got us here and be myself.

The message got simplified. "Just win races gentlemen".

As we lined up at Dave Sanders on September 21st, without Ben Morrin, it was well known in my mind that this would be a massively important day in our season and arguably our history. Over the last 8 years Mountain Vista has rarely lost to anyone in our state. Their dominance has quite simply become mind boggling and impressive. On some days I think teams have beaten themselves because they succumb to internal mental breakdowns as the mystique of the Vista Nation overrides their competitiveness. For me, with Jonathan Dalby being one of my closest friends, their was no mystique. The two of us have spent hours and days talking shop. In our camp its been a slow and steady rise in talent and effort to be able to compete with them. For years the message has been "they are beatable". For years we chopped wood, put hay in the barn, built our furnace...so that when we had the chance and the time was right....we would be ready.

And the rest of the pieces... they started to fall in line....

As Jacob White ran by me with about 500 meters left at Dave Sanders...I could hear the song in my head. "Take my hand when you can't see light..because I'm forever on your side....I will carry you every time...because I'm forever on your side"

A dream was becoming reality. I felt numb... and for the first time I allowed myself to believe that we might just be a team of destiny.  For my part...a leap of faith years earlier...coming full circle.


A few days after Dave Sanders we got Ben Morrin back on the ground and out of the pool.

We had an exceptionally fun day Oct 6th with our entire team at Fountain Fort Carson. Ben ran his first race of the season. Being held back considerably, he ran a respectable 17:26.

We enjoyed one of our best Jefferson County League team wide performances in our program history.

And then on October 18th... Jacob White happened. Breaking through with an enormous performance Jacob finished 6th overall and as our third man...we beat Mountain Vista and Heritage in a loaded 5A Region 2. Jacob had come alive.

A year before at the 2017 State Cross Country meet Jacob White had not been ready to race and, caused our boys to become a little bit off mentally during our warm up. He was a goofy freshman, making freshman mistakes and letting the moment get bigger then he could handle. We finished 5th in a really great team race in 2017 and Jacob was 111th overall. A year later that same young man became a legend in our program...continuing his surge...he finished 10th at the State Meet in 2018. 101 spots higher then his freshman debut.

Pieces fell in line even when we didn't know what to expect. On the Wednesday night before the State meet, Austin Vancil was home throwing up. We had no idea just how bad it was going to be. Sitting at home in the days following hearing of Austins' woe...pessimistically, I kept waiting for our wheels to fall off. Injury and sickness finally catching up to us. I kept wondering if our "destiny" wasn't what I thought. Austin rallied and the rest of the guys stayed with the process and together they achieved a tremendous outcome.

As I ran into the Norris Penrose Stadium this year, the song "Boys Don't Cry" blared over the speakers...but this boy was pure tears. I had a feeling we had pulled it off but there was still some question in mind as to the finish, as a lot can happen in the final 400 meters of a race. Dalby was the first to say..."Congratulations you got it".  For years I had watched Jon Dalby and Eric Selle and the rest of the Mountain Vista crew celebrate State Championship after State Championship. I would watch from the overlook where the packets are picked up. Looking out at the mountains to the west, the trees golden and the moments of Championship's won and awarded unfolding below. I always lingered to watch, wondering if we could get that moment for ourselves. This year,  as our team was awarded the championship trophy, I couldn't help but look up at the windows of the overlook. The view from down below was better. 

Process over Outcome

Our theme for the year became "Process over Outcome". Stick with the process. Do what you can with the process of improving and see what happens with the results. Our team did that in 2018. we had kids improving across the board all year. Our guys running in the Nike Southwest Regional needed one more big improvement for us to live out what we were dreaming of. Mountain Vista was going to get Easton Allred in the lineup. While we had beaten them all year, Easton was a tremendously impactful student athlete. We had no reason to look past our in state competition. American Fork looked fantastic as well. Thankfully, we went into Nike Southwest having all the at-large ammo we needed in case we got 3rd or 4th. Our guys wanted more though. A group of poised and steady young men, they were ready for anything all year. Once again, sickness was the adversity. Ben Piegat came up feeling quite under the weather on Friday in Casa Grande. He was tremendous in rallying to the cause. Getting the rest he needed and getting to the line confident and ready he made the most of how he felt. Through 2 miles at Southwest we had a nice lead and Ben Piegat's determination was a big reason for it. So was Ben Morrins'. Coming all the way back to life, Morrin ran as our number 4 and steadied us when in mattered most. We held on against some gutsy late rallies by Mountian Vista and American Fork, two incredible programs we have looked up to with tremendous respect. I followed the scoring on my phone and the score from 2 miles was so encouraging I had to figure we held on.  However I knew the American Fork boys had pulled up for sure and knew Mountain Vista had rallied as well. As time marched toward the announcement of the winners, it became more and more clear we had indeed held on. Standing at the awards ceremony at Nike Southwest it felt surreal. It was really happening. We did what we set out to do. One more race would remain. 

"Any monkey can coach those boys"

While our boys season was the headline event at Dakota Ridge, I would be remiss not to mention our girls season and its impact with our team. During the summer at our team camp I had an emotional (for me) meeting with our girls team. I went into the meeting knowing how hard the season was going to be for them and it weighed heavy on my mind. We had lost a tremendous amount to graduation. We returned only a few of our varsity from the previous year and in terms of raw talent, we had not nearly what we have grown accustomed to at Dakota Ridge. The team we brought back however was the type of team everyone loves to coach. The girls we had returning may not have had raw talent, but what they lacked in talent they made up for in courage, heart and soul. Easily one of the most dedicated and hard working groups we have ever had at Dakota Ridge. Because they were such passionate and hard working young ladies, I knew it was going to be rough when we didn't make the state meet for only the second time in 17 years in 5A. I also knew they would live in the shadow of this juggernaut boys team and that would be difficult in and of itself. I expressed nearly all of this our meeting that day with them. breaking into tears...I said to them...

"Any monkey can coach that boys team in the other room. The measure of myself and our program will be you all this year. If you all bring your effort all year, trust the process and just get better every week, we will know we are a good coaching staff. Just focus on the process ladies...get better every week and see what dreams may come".

They did that. All...year....long. Led by a remarkable and wonderful group of seniors, our ladies team got better every week and at one point late in the season...we even gained a sliver of hope in making the state meet. With a great Jeffco League Championship performance, we felt like there was a chance at the Regional the following week. We needed other teams to mess up for sure, but we had hope. At the 5A Regional every girl set a PR and had the race of their season to that point. We were not close to making it finishing well back in eighth place in our loaded Region. But the outcome wasn't the thing. It was special because we got better every week and they gave the best most passionate effort they could give. We did what we set out to do. The last race for them in 2018 was at the Nike Southwest Regional. In that race they once again gave incredible effort. Naturally set more PR's and once again showed truly how special they could become. Coaches get lauded for all the grand achievements their kids make on the biggest stages. But the reality is, there is so much more happening in our sport then just the stuff you see on milesplit every day. Student -Athletes and coaches work tremendously hard in our sport and the large majority do it to jus get a little bit better everyday. They do it for their own sense of pride and achievement, working out their own running story for themselves often with little to no fanfare. The heart and soul in the coaching this sport is in getting kids to improve everyday.  We know we did a great job this year because our ladies team kept doing the work and striving to be better runners and people all year. For me personally that is the essence of the job.




On Faith.... 
I want to be clear as I close this blog. We didn't win and find success because of me and because God willed it over other kids and coaches who worked as hard or harder then us. The good Lord is on everyones side. As the song goes, he is in fact forever on our side...All of us if we choose it and quite often even when we don't.  For me, the choice to stay at Dakota Ridge was personal and had the greatest impact on my own life and walk in faith. Nothing more nothing less. A lot of things fell in line and went well for us, but that can be attributed to many other factors, chiefly...the will and belief of the kids who ran. Faith is so personal and we look for it in many ways throughout our lives. At the end of the day...it feels great to look back and see that in a critical moment in my life, I turned to faith. Faith in a higher power yes, but also faith in our student-athletes and coaches and ultimately faith in our process. While all that faith was "rewarded", I certainly know it could have gone the other way quite easily. In the end it wasn't about the reward. It was the fact I had faith in the first place, and choose to risk it on faith in search of the result I deeply hoped for and wanted. If my story over the last few years says anything...it is that having faith in those around us, faith in your process and for those so inclined, faith in a higher power can lead to extremely deep and rich aspects of personal growth.